rhonwynalyna

It’s been a really long time since I last wrote. I’ve been so involved with irl things, that I’ve not been letting my imagination play with the written word. I’m in the process of moving to a much larger place where I’m hoping to have more than enough room to set out all of my things. I’m planning on setting up a corner specifically for writing where I can set up a small piece of heaven and relax.

Some say writing is angst and sorrow. I believe writing is finding that moment where things are silent, soft, and fluffy. It’s a glow, a calling, a singular ringing of a prayer bell, the song of a bird in joy. I’m hoping that I can find that space once more so I can fluff out some of my stories and scenes, maybe write out some more poetry.

Until that day.

It’s been a long time since I put anything here. I’ve been living a roller coaster of emotion, exertion, and health for the last few years. I’ve made and lost friends, lost loved ones, and had several realizations. I’ve had a couple of Come to Jesus meetings with myself about what is acceptable in a friend and if I ever want a relationship with anyone ever again. I don’t think I find anyone. I realize that what I’ve lived through has caused my bar of expectations to be so high, what I will accept is so high, that there might not be a single person who will truly meet my needs in a relationship.

I’ve done a lot of reading, some good, some not worthy of toilet tissue status. Some of the more passed around memes about relationships I kinda consider old fashioned “hog wash”.  But for good, bad, or worse, I decided to put down my thoughts where I can pull them out and look at them every now and again, maybe adjust them, maybe not.

So, here they are:

I want someone who is a partner. Not someone who does all the same things I do, that would be boring, but someone who is there to do things with me, share his or her experiences, and love making new ones.

I need someone who is loyal. I need someone who places me above their friends, who values family, family time, and all the things that incurs. For once I need to be first in someone’s life. I need someone to love only me. I am not polyamorous. I am territorial and possessive, but not jealous. Once eyes stray or the wrong phrase is said too many times to someone else, well, you know where the door is.

I want someone who can make me laugh and who understands when I’m trying to be funny or silly. I don’t always catch when someone is teasing me or is telling a joke. I don’t find most forms of humor funny, so I need a special person who understands that and doesn’t find fault with me because of it. On the other hand, my humor is not always typical or mainstream. I tend to make connections that few see the way I do. As a result, I might find something funny because it crosses into multiple things that I know about.

I want someone who won’t shy away from working both at a job and in and around the home. I want to be able to build a relationship and a home that both of us enjoy, want, and cherish. I don’t want to be the one making all of the decisions. I want someone who can see that something needs to be done and does it, not someone who sees it then waits for me to fix or clean it.

I demand honesty and transparency. I’ve been hurt and slighted too much from dishonesty in relationships. Lack of honesty and transparency is not acceptable. If someone is in my life, I need to be able to trust that person.

I need to be able to have faith in that person. I need to know that if I try something or face a challenge that my partner will be there to back me up, to support me and help me as needed. I need to have unshakeable faith in their ability to be there.

I need someone with an open mind. I do not tolerate any forms of racism or prejudice even in the games I play. Any form of either is completely unacceptable. If either are used for humor, well, the door is THAT WAY.

I need someone who is strong enough to be his or her own person, strong enough to fight with me, argue with me.  Arguing does not mean you dislike each other, it simply means you disagree with something. Allow the disagreements, they are healty.

These aren’t all that I’m looking for, but they are the immutable ones.  My list of needs for a person to have. What will I bring to the relationship? All that I require in a person in return.

Jeager, Hunter kitty, has an impeccable sense of time. No matter the day of the week, if the birds are chirping or even thinking about it, he wakes me up. 90% of the time, it is 6:30 AM or really close to it. So, do I really need to set an alarm? Truly, he even wakes me up on the weekends by walking on me, rubbing up against any body part he can, or nibbling on whatever part of me is convenient or inconvenient.

The question of setting an alarm became a mute point the other day when I forgot to set it. I had been having several days of  long days and shorter nights to the point that I literally put my head down and passed out without thinking about the alarm. In what I thought was a couple of seconds, there was Jeager loving me awake, claiming me for the world to know that I was his human. Just as I was about to push the aggressively loving kitty off of me once more, I glanced at the alarm clock. Sure enough, it was 6:30 AM, time to get up and my alarm was silent. Instead of pushing him away, I hugged him close and told him what a good kitty he was.

I know that come summertime, I’ll wish his habit of early rising would go away, but for now, it is welcome.