Across the Rainbow Bridge

05 Apr 2017 Leave a comment

by Quietude's Junction in journal, pets Tags: , , , , , , , ,

On Monday I had to put my dog to sleep. He was a wonderful, old lab mix that the vets never could agree about. Some said he was part mastiff, others part Dane, but all agreed that it was part BIG. He was a sweetheart, a lover, a comforter, and a protector. He was there when we needed him every time, there to scare off anyone from coming inside that he didn’t personally agree with. He took care of us.

When we got kittens, he became their guardian. He understood that the babies were his new ones to be his to protect. He let them climb on him. He wagged his tail so they would play with it. They, in turn, treated him as their protector and de facto nanny. He didn’t even chase after the cats when one of them scented his nose.

Buddy was a silent protector who needed to know where everyone was at all points in time. He had to lie down in the best place to see all of the people in his home. So he, in essence, was a road block 99% of the time. After all, it is never easy stepping over a 112 pound dog whenever he blocked a door especially when he would unexpectedly raise his head or try to stand up while you are mid-step.

The decision to let my dog go over the Rainbow Bridge was not made easily. I waited and put it off as long as I could. I just couldn’t let him go until he started whimpering in pain each night. It became difficult for him to walk, to stand, and to remain standing even during his walks. I finally had to accept that his quality of life was not worth the struggle of the day to day. I talked with his vet and she agreed that it was time. We cried. We held onto him and let the tears flow. We hugged him and petted him and it seemed that he understood in the end. The vet came in and he placed his big, blocky head into her hand and looked into her eyes. Acceptance and love were there for all to see.

He died as he came to us, a big lover, protector, and a huge part of my family.

I love and miss you, Buddy. One day we will meet again, across the Rainbow Bridge.

 

The loss of one too young

04 Sep 2014 4 Comments

by Quietude's Junction in journal, reflections Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

This morning before work, I found out that I lost a student. As a teacher, I become very attached to the kids I teach, but this one was more special than most. He was one of my troubled babies, but never call him baby to his face. In his eyes he was a man, and probably had been a man in his house for several years despite only being a teenager. He came from a shattered home and was familiar with the judicial system from an early age. He had a smart mouth, quick wit, and despite all the nastiness that life had dealt him, a closely guarded soft heart. He didn’t let many people in to know that he was secretly a really nice kid living a very bad life. There was not a mean thought or bone in his body, but he had a bad reputation from the time he was about 10 years old. The trouble was from home not being stable.

As adults we think of home as a place of comfort, love, sharing, and safety. He had none of those. From the earliest years he was exposed to drugs, sex, alcohol, and all types of abuse verbal, physical, and mental. He didn’t have a single place to call home. Instead he was shipped between places to live with relatives whenever his welcome was worn thin at whichever school he was currently attending. He was called a “behavior case”, and I admit that he couldn’t keep still or control of his mouth when he wasn’t medicated, which was frequently. Every teacher could tell on the days that he had taken his meds. On those days he was a bright student with a curious mind. He offered opinions, information, and help willingly. He wanted to share, but all of the experiences with the dark days of no medicine got in the way. People didn’t trust him to be the “good” kid that he could be. After a while it became easier to just be the bad kid and to stop trying on the days when his medicine was not available.

He was a very creative kid. He had ideas that he wanted to do and could plan them out. He knew people better than anyone would have expected. When I did a project with all of my students, he created the best out of all of them. Unlike the other boys who created male oriented toys, this boy created toys that girls would love. When I asked him why he did what he did, he said simply, “Girls love hearts. I hope my toys go to little girls who will love them.” I just about cried that day.

As I said, I lost him. He died in a motorcycle accident. Rumors have already started as to why he was on a bike during school hours. Most say he was skipping school or suspended. Some kids who knew him well though, are saying that he was running away, that life had finally dealt him a hand that he couldn’t deal with anymore. No matter what was going through his head, I hope that he finds peace, love, and joy where he is now. No kid deserves the life he was dealt.